The ONLY 5 reasons to put a penis in your mouth!

Recently I had the misfortune of coming across the photo of someone I actually know performing the act of oral sex. I am a modern women. The act its self is not so disturbing to me. The fact that I know the young lady doing it is what disturbed me. Well that and the fact that she allowed herself to be photographed. Well it all got me thinking that perhaps young people today don't know what the penis is actually for.

So for all you young uns out there
In the case of the penis, there are actually two tasks that it handles:

1. releasing urine from the bladder, known as urination
2. releasing sperm and seminal fluid from the prostate gland, known as ejaculation.

Yuck Germs! Do you really want penial germs in your mouth? Like the human mouth doesn't already have
enough germs!

Well ok I get it. No matter what I say or how many fake facts I make up, people are still gonna do it.
I began to think well... sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. There has to be a good reason
to actually put a penis in your mouth. Surpisingly it didn't take me long to realize that hell yeah! There are
exactly 5, yes you heard me, 5, reasons for doing so.

I will list them for you:

1.  A new car.
     You either want, need or have purchased without spousal consent a new car. In that case you will need to
     perform the act to get a new car or earn a new car.

2.  Maxing out of credit cards.
     You have gone on a major shopping spree and found yourself out of reach of your senses. It is two days
     till the credit card statements arrive via mail your husband checks before you do. This has a bit of a catch to
     it. For every hundred dollars over rational spending is one more blowjob. So if you have overspent by a
     grand. Pucker up buttercup cause that is ten days. or ten bj's. how you decide to distribute is left at your own
     discreation.

3.  Wrecked new car into hubby's garage/mancave.
     Yeah that is gonna cost you. Especially if said garage is where he kept his big screen tv and kegarator. Or
     his prized soft tail harley. The amount of hummers for this one can be actually less then you might think. In the
     case it is quality over quanity. Can you say SWALLOW! and I don't mean tweet tweet lil birdie either.

4.  A night with Chip and Dale... I mean chippendales.
     You find yourself out with the girls at a show featuring The chippendale dancers. You have had to much to
     drink and find yourself unable to drive home. You end up staying over at your girlfriends house and wake up
     in the morning finding yourself buck naked between your girl friend and her husband.  To deal with this one
     which will involve a very very angry husband I say a lot of quanity and hell of a lot of quality. Also stop
     drinking so damn much you lush!

5.   Dum dum de dum.
     Your biological clock is ticking louder then big ben! Your about to hit 40 you got no kids and your mortgage
     rate just went wayyyy up. You gotta get a husband! In the case it is ok to suck suck suck like a starving vampire
    10 minutes till dawn! You suck you swallow and use every trick you got cause honey there is a reason you aint
    found a husband yet. Maybe you ugly. If you ugly you better suck you better like to suck and you damn well
    better suck it like you like it... hell love it cause when the clock in done ticking there is no turning back. Get a
    husband and to keep him you better do it till you actually do love it. Do it without being asked to do it.

And for whatever reason you find yourself having to do it don't be photographed or videotaped cause honey the
internet is forever and everyone will see it. You are NOT Paris Hilton and your ass aint large enough to be a
Kardashian so keep inside your own closed doors. We don't want to know you do it, we don't care if you feel
you have to do it. IT's PORN YOU DUMB SLUT! Keep it to yourself!

Opinions? Anyone? Is anyone in here? Hello???